We have been consistently warned by Sydneysiders and transplants alike that property management here in Sydney is primarily focused on managing to get you in and then ignoring you and your silly requests to get anything fixed afterwards. This appears to be coming true for us around our stove.

This is a photo of our gas cooktop controls, missing one key feature – the ignition button (photo credit to Tamarama-soon-to-be-Surry Hills Susan).

Unfortunately for us, we did not discover this until after we moved in, which is basically the kiss of death around here for getting anything repaired. To ensure that we weren’t just being stupid, we consulted the cooktop manual regarding how to light the burners and it specifically states:

“Press ignition continuously until the burner lights”

On top of this, when we turned the oven on, there was a loud and unexpected racket, similar to the sound of a 737 taxiing down a runway but never taking flight. Boy, that doesn’t seem right either, nor does that smoke now billowing out of the door.

With these discoveries, we crafted a very pleasant email to our property manager to ask if she could please send a repair person out to fix the stove, for we cannot light the cooktop and the oven isn’t firing on all cylinders either. That was Monday.

Tuesday came and went with no response.

Wednesday morning, still no response, so Gina sent our property manager a text, requesting assistance with the stove. Right before closing hour, we received the following email:

The stove just needs a set of matches, it is not missing anything, or you can actually buy an igniter. They are very cheap to buy. Maybe because the oven has not been used in a while, it is not working.

Now where do we begin with all of the things wrong and infuriating about her response? Let’s start with the last statement, where she tells us that perhaps the oven is indeed not working, and that this statement is not then followed by the words “so I’ll send a repair person over to check it out.” Then there is the suggestion to light our indoor gas stovetop with matches. Hello – we are not camping here – and if we were, we certainly wouldn’t be paying this much money a night to do so.

Well now she’s pissed us off. After four days of salad for dinner, we are no longer joking around here, lady. Not to be deterred, on Thursday morning we sent a follow-up email, in which we quoted the owner’s manual on how it is that we are to light the stove – WITH THE MISSING IGNITION BUTTON. And for emphasis, we attached the photo of the hole in our stovetop controls where the button should be sitting.

Anyone want to guess whether we received a response? It’s Friday now and no word from the management company. Welcome to Sydney, folks. A nice place to visit but on our lowest days we wonder – do you really want to live here?