25 April 2014
(South of) Vancleave, MS to Dauphin Island, AL
71 miles (Total Miles = 2,416)

We are escorting Candy down Dog Alley – i.e., the stretch of route where a rider was bitten 3 years ago – when it occurs to me that I never posted my blog about Dogs. Here’s what I have to say about them on this Southern Tier ride:

I’ve decided that cycling the backroads of Southern states, especially those with short driveways leading to junky single-wides, should be part of the Army’s basic training program. I am now fully ready for combat, having been transformed into a precision motion detector. There is not a single movement, no matter how small, that can now escape my peripheral vision. Why, you ask? Because I’m being hunted by dogs – wild, Southern, cheetah-speed dogs. They can come exploding toward you from any direction and only the really dumb ones give their positions away by barking first.

Now I am a dog lover. But I don’t love these dogs. Before I completed this past week’s bootcamp, my approach to handling these killer canines involved swerving into oncoming traffic and a lot of high-pitched screaming. As any good commander would tell you, these are not the most effective forms of combat. But now I’ve added a new trick to my arsenal, and by arsenal I mean arsenal. Behold my weapon of choice:

It’s powerful, accurate, and light-weight, the perfect accessory for protection against canine attackers. I’ve customized my grip (well, more accurately, I’ve stemmed the leaking), I’ve modified my handle bar bag into the perfect holster, and I always make sure the chamber is loaded before leaving camp.

So, now you have a better idea as to why we are Candy’s escort, for I’m not the only one packing. When the Dollar General is willing to sell you two guns for the price of one, and by price I mean 1 dollar plus tax, with no questions asked and no background check required, you take the deal and also arm your riding partner. Gina’s is pink, in case you were wondering.

This is nearly how we leave behind Mississippi, only a few more miles separating Dog Alley from the Alabama border. We’re only spending one night in Alabama but it’s a night on Dauphin Island which means there’s a beach – something we haven’t seen since we left San Diego nearly 7 weeks ago. The water might be brown but the sand is white and it’s where it belongs – alongside the ocean rather than in our tent.

In usual form, now a few thoughts on Mississippi:

It’s not just fun to spell. It’s pretty darn nice for cycling through as well. At least where we cycled through and in spite of the dogs, although I think that Razzie Award goes to Louisiana.

Beware the woods. They might be darn pretty but they produce wandering loonies armed with baseball bats. Not sure if my water pistol trumps a hitter swinging lumber.

Dairy Queen could make a fortune here. Seriously, where are all of the DQs? It’s hot in Mississippi, it’s muggy in Mississippi, and the Southern Tier bike route goes through Mississippi. Add those items up and you have weary cyclists looking for Blizzards and willing to pay any price. I’d open up a franchise here myself if it weren’t so hot and muggy.